im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
