The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
