You just made me feel so damn special
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
should my penis look like a turkey
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
