Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
