why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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