dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
