dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
