Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
