OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
