He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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