possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
