Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
even my farts smell like vagina
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
