anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
