I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
