The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
