true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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