Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
