you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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