I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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