It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
