So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
