boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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