you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
