you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
