So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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