he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
