One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
