I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
