I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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