I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
