He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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