Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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