Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
