I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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