I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
