My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
