And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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