Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
