she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
