Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
