A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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