I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
