Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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