i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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