better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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