does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
