he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
