How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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