Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
