also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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