I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I will pee on everything he values.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
